delayed reaction

Yesterday I took L back to the doctors & he sent us up the the hospital to have her assessed. I got a little teary-eyed on the drive, but mostly kept it together. Emerg wasn't too busy thank goodness. *side note-most of the people that were there were crazy people all drugged out. I felt a little nervous a couple times.* because L is a baby, we didn't have to wait long. The doctor came in ordered some tests & an iv. Still under control. Then the nurse came in to do her iv. She wrapped her up tight in a blanket, leaving her one hand out. I had to help hold her still (along with another nurse) while she put the iv in. There is nothing the could have really prepared me for that moment. I was hold my baby girl down flat on a table & she screamed her heart out in pain. I had to look in her terrified eyes. She looked at me with those helpless eyes & I looked back. I wanted desperately to pick her up & tell it's ok. The first iv didn't work so we had to do it all over again on the other side. They wrapped her arm all up, so she couldn't pull it out. Then I got to pick her up. I hugged her tight & didn't let her go. I literally did not put her down for the rest of the day (except when I had to check her urine bag occassionally). I know it was just an iv, & many parents have to deal with much worse. My heart truly goes out to them. I caught a glimpse into what their world is like, and I honestly don't know if I would be strong enough to do what those parents do. She stayed on the iv for the rest of the day, while we waited for the test results. She has a urinary tract infection. They gave antibiotics and released her. We have to force her to drink as much water as we possibly can. She threw up all night again. The dr said she could be like this for another 2-3 weeks. This kid is never going to be better. Seriously, she is always sick. My poor poor baby.

It effected my hubby a lot more than I expected. Don't get me wrong he loves his children, he's just not a sensitive/emotional guy. L was understandably scared yesterday, so all she wanted was her mama. Anyone else and she was SCREAMING. Even him. It kinda made him a little sad. I felt bad. Its just cause I'm her mama, it is no reflection of him as a father. He is a good dad, not perfect, but I'm not a perfect mom either. We kinda work on things together & balance each other. We got in bed & just sat there, both kinda thinking 'wow that was intense'. He admitted he was a little nervous about going to sleep. He was worried about the dreams he would have after seeing her like that. My poor hubby.