the itsy bitsy spider

I was just bit by a fucking spider. Hardcore bit. Woke me out of a deep sleep bit. My whole arm is burning. Wtf. I am so pissed off right now. Well pissed/paranoid. What if it was a poisonous spider? I do not know what you are supposed to do when you are bit by a poisonous spider. There's the bit bump, then it's red all around it. It's hot to the touch & the whole area feels tingly like it's burnt.
Icing on the cake.

i think someone has a wee bit of a problem

This literally just happened (and I'm not going to lie - it actually has happened many times before)

I get out of the shower. The hubby is alseep. The t.v. is on (he has to have the tv on to sleep-horrible habit folks. It drives me CRAZY). So I pick up the remote to put on the hills. Remember, the hubby is fully asleep. So I change the channel. He wakes up & says "what are you doing?" I say "putting on my show" (making sure not to mention which show). He replies "you watch crap. I can't sleep if there's crap on."

Are you bleeping kidding me?!?! I cannot even have the remote while you're sleeping?!?!

What a typical male remote control freak. Gah.

take a deep breath

In-laws. Can't live with them can't live without them. Ones going through menopause are especially hard to live with. Don't get me wrong - I love my in-laws. Sometimes they are just very difficult. Sometimes they make me want to sell the house & move to a far off land where they don't have phones or internet or even mail services, then I couldn't be blamed for not calling/emailing/sending a change of address card/or missing Sunday dinner.

5-4-3-2-1....... ****kaboooooooom****

Bloggity blogged blogger bloggest. I have not forgotten about this. I have been SO ridiculously busy, I haven't literally not had a spare moment. I do not even have one right now. There are a million things I am supposed to be doing right now. I feel like I am running on empty. Things are non-stop around here. Here's the jist of the last 2-3 weeks....
1) I WENT BACK TO WORK. It was very hard. I haven't written about it yet, but I had really bad post partum depression after having my 2nd daughter - L - The depression was bad, but the anxiety unmanageable. So there I was, driving to work that first morning, I saw the sign saying my exit was next... and BAM it hit me. The horrible anxiety. the panic. the get me home now, I don't care if I have to walk 4 hours to get there, I just need to go there now. I grabbed the phone & called my mom. Yup 28 years old and calling my mom. Haven't lived with her for 4 years, but she's my mom. I knew her voice would help. It did. It got me calm enough to continue driving to work. I made it to work. I survived the day. I am now happy to be back.
2)L turned 1! The weekend after I started back to work, I threw my 2nd daughters first birthday party. I have a big family, & we celebrate everything together. We had about 50-60 people over. It was pretty crazy. Everyone had a good time, & it was lovely to see them all.
3)I WENT BACK TO WORK. holy crap. Working makes the day so long. I have to be out of the house by 730 am. Drop the girls off by 8. Start work 845. Finish work 5 (usually 530 by the time I'm actually out of there). Pick the girls up 6. Go home 630. Eat dinner. Clean up. Bath time for the girls 8. Get the girls in bed 830. Shower time for me. Get everything organized to do it again. Bed 10. How do I fit anything else in there. My PVR misses me. It's going to be full soon. I miss my friends. I miss my husband.
*** side note. My husband is the greatest. He has been a huge help through all of this. He gets up with us in the morning & helps get the girls ready. He comes home from work & cleans up around the house, so I don't have to worry about doing it when I get home. He's even been starting dinner so that it is mostly ready when we get home. He knows how hard it was for me to go back to work, and he is doing his best to make the transition easier on me. I love the shit of him.
4)Easter weekend/Hockey Game. hectic hectic hectic. but super amazing. My husband's boss gave us tickets to the nhl game in our area. I have never been to see an nhl game. I was excited (but also had anxiety). So Saturday afternoon we had to go to my aunts house (it was my side's easter dinner). We had a quick visit with everyone & left the girls with my mom while we went to the game. The seats were amazing. Center ice row 13. I love doing anything just me & the hubby. Then we had to pick up the girls & get them home so the easter bunny could come. Woke up easter morning did the egg hunt thing, & went to the inlaws for their easter dinner. Fantastic weekend, but no free time.

one more day =(

Tomorrow is my last day of maternity leave.
This is my forth try at this post. I can't seem to get it right. There are so many things going through my head right now.
That's it. I give up. I'll try again tomorrow.

Man Over Board!

Once you're behind in the cash flow dept. it's impossible to catch up. The drowning feeling that comes with debt, is one of the worst, but the guilt when you're the one bringing down the team definitely surpasses it. I have pretty much curbed the shopaholic in me, but I waited until it was too late. I do not make a heap of cash. I have accumulated a fair amount of debt over the years, and am finding it near impossible to get out. We are getting a new window in our bedroom, & my husband had me put my half of the $ in an envelope which he hid. He knows me very well, & figured this was the best way to ensure I didn't spend it. Unfortunately, something happened & he had to tell me where it was hidden. I have gradually taken about 1/3 of it out (to buy stuff for the house, or formula, or groceries). Anyways, he looked in the envelope today, before I had a chance to put it back. I was so ashamed. As soon as I saw him with the envelope in his hand, my stomach dropped & I swear I almost threw up. After hearing my explanation, he went to put the envelope back, stopped & instead put it in his pocket. It is a shitty feeling when your husband doesn't trust you, and is completely justified in it.

I changed into my stretch pants & went to the valley. After running the stairs with a gf, I've come up with a plan. I am going to hand over financial control to my husband. Wish me luck. This is going to be a big adjustment, but I think it will really help. Something here needs to change.