smells like worms...

I have always been scared of going crazy. I don't know why. I don't know when it started.
I used to always wonder why the "crazy" people didn't just get it together. Now I understand. You have no control. No matter how bad you want to, no matter how hard you try, it doesn't matter if you put every fiber of your being into it, when there's something wrong with your mind, you can't just "fix it". It's like you're not you. The popular rain cloud description is a very good description - but what they don't tell is the raindrops aren't just normal raindrops, they're dark grey drops filled with all the sadness in the world. They seep into your skin. They make everything they touch die a little. The more rain the harder it is to fight it. Luckily, I am sometimes handed an umbrella. My husband - J -my mother my daughters -K & L- & one of my best friends -M- are the spokes in my umbrella. At some point in the last year each of them has shielded me & given me the strength to fight the rain. Without each of those people, I do not know if I would have made it through the last year. And that is this most honest statement I have written so far. They have seen me through my darkest most lonely days. They have been there, without judgement. They have been patient & understanding. They have been my everything. Like I said before you can't just "fix it", so when my umbrella can't protect me, they help me try to sing in the rain instead.